Artist: Josiah Wolf

Album: Jet Lag

Reviewer: Larry Fitzmaurice

Pitchfork, 2010

Writing Disorders: Idea Fever, Purple Hemorrhage








Critic Talk: “bizarre pop mutations,” “its more straightforward cousin,” “absurdist yarns that hold a weird car-crash fascination”




I want to take things slow here, Larry. I’m normally gung-ho ’bout reaming someone’s review without any foreplay, but I want shift down to second for a tick. Let’s set the mood — you know, dim the lights, put on our lacy thongs, and maybe see what kind of an album you’re dumping on here:

“The songs on the debut full-length from WHY? drummer Josiah Wolf were inspired by the dissolution of an 11-year relationship, as well as Wolf’s move back to the Midwest after years of living in California.”

And what better way to cheer the guy up than to give his debut album an F? I guess he had it coming though:

“Dropping a breakup album for your first LP seems a risky move. Listeners are just starting to get to know you, after all.”

Larry, here’s something to kick around your cortex. Do you think it’s a risky move because A), listeners are alienated by debut breakup albums, or B), that a music critic might have the gall to say an artist doesn’t provide the right soundtrack to his own emotional turmoil? I’m casting my lot in column B, but let’s see if we can work out yours:

“If Wolf could be accused of lyrical overcompensation, the opposite could be said about the music.”

“offbeat musings on praying naked in the shower…sound forced”

“Wearing your heart on your sleeve is one thing, but musically, Josiah Wolf isn’t really taking any risks here”

So…this guy made a risky move by not really taking any risks? I don’t follow. Also, how is it offbeat to mention praying naked on a record dominated by breakup stories? That don’t seem forced to me. You sure you weren’t just reaching for something to bust this guy’s chops on? Would you have gushed over this release if Wolf had skipped on the “attempts at surrealism” and just stuck to “the grief-stricken script?” I’m not convinced.

Know what?  Put your pants back on, Larry. I’m done with cuddling. Just grab a shovel instead so we can start pitching manure. Your second paragraph is a mess:

“Meanwhile, “Unused ‘I love you’s build up” in his throat in the somewhat cornily named “The Apart Meant”, after expressing the lonely sentiment that “For 11 years/ We didn’t touch another/ And now I can’t sleep,” in “Skull in the Ice”.”

Jesus Christ man, you can PARAPHRASE what the guy’s saying. Seems like he’d be more miffed you rated his debut album a 5.6 than if you summed up what he’s singing without direct quotes. Consider for a moment what you’ve done here. You’ve distinguished both song names and song lyrics by fencing them off with quotation marks. In that sentence above, the quoted bits outnumber the words holding them together. That’s not such a great recipe for comprehension cookies. And what’s with the pussy-footing adverbs? “Somewhat cornily?” Just be a man and say you’d name another man’s breakup song something else.

Did I mention pussy-footing? Here’s a nice pair of labia loafers:

“sort of competent but dull chamber-pop”

“half-decent ideas haphazardly grouped together”

Larry, where I come from, the phrase “sort of” is a mark of shame. Says a man’s too lazy to come up with a better word. If you can type a 500+ word review, you can consult a thesaurus. Also, isn’t “half-decent” 25% on the scale from horrible to excellent? Just say “bad.” In the meantime, careful you don’t slip on them clam waders.

Like other lice, you waited till the last paragraph to mention anything you liked about the album you’d just molested in the parking lot. Scratch that. I don’t even really know if there was any enjoyment on your end. All you did was give a wordy description of a couple songs without words like “haphazardly” or “jammed-together”

“Opener “The Trailer and the Truck” stretches and yawns via elongated guitar bends and bursts of concentrated drumming, while “Is the Body Hung” rolls with freak-folk touches and Wolf’s cracked vocals.”

Here’s a bit of advice, Larry. If you’re going to kick a musician in the crotch, try giving him the shiny penny before the boot in the pecker. Bit of etiquette, you might say.

Now put on that thong. Let’s see those creamy thighs.