Artist: Blood Red Shoes

Album: Fire like This

Reviewer: Jude Clarke

MusicOMH, 2010

Writing Disorders: Idea Fever








Most Emo Phrase: “glammed-up, rocked-out tales of urban angst”

Most Sterile Phrase: “The most enjoyable moments are those that deviate from this pattern”




Hey Jude, you didn’t exactly take a sad song and make it BeEettttter. If I’d to pick, I’d say your writing’s a salty wet clam. A cold wet clam.

“Anyone familiar with their first one will certainly not be surprised by anything they find here, but will it sustain the interest of current fans, and is it likely to pick up any new ones along the way?”

What is this, Jude? A teaser for tomorrow’s episode of “One Life to Live?” As Stacey’s plot unfurls, Gigi has to give up Rex to save Shane. With the love of her life gone, is she likely to pick up any new ones along the way? Ooooh, I wanna know. What we got coming, Jude?

“Whereas somehow in 2008 the glammed-up, rocked-out tales of urban angst and Boredom By The Sea felt fresh and engaging, here the repetition of many of those tropes begins to seem more than a little, well, repetitious.”

Distance from “whereas” to “here?” 21 words. EH.

You got issues with clarity, Jude. But you know what? It’s got me thinking. How about I take you under my wing? You want to play Happy to my Chubbs and whittle down them thoughts? Maybe with a little practice, people’ll start reading your sentences instead of just skipping to the rating. Here’s how it works. I’m going to pair some of your phrases with a rewrite apiece and a few suggestions.

“A favoured device is that of taking a line of lyric”

“The band will often take a lyric”

Jude, you don’t have to attach a unit of measure to a lyric’s length. A line in a song is a lyric. And what’s with that marshmallow filling you stuffed in there? If Uncle Owen ever spied you for sale at the Jawa flea market, he’d have had this to say: “there’s too much crap coming out of her head.” Here’s something to try, Jude. After you finish writing your next review, go back through and trim it short as you can without losing your arguments. You might find you can do without “that of.”

Next!

“This is clearly used with the intent of capturing and reflecting a certain urgency, rage, ire, and as such can prove effective.”

“Proven effective, it captures urgency, ire, and rage.”

Jude, why the hell did you follow a comma with “and” at the end of a noun sequence? Rather, why’d you follow it with anything but another noun? I’m not saying what you wrote was grammatically inaccurate. It just confounds the brain. Also, if a band “captures” emotions in its music, that’s the same as reflecting them. You don’t need both. Honest to god, you don’t need any more conjunctions in this review. And come on, “a certain urgency?” Isn’t every urgency a certain urgency? Thought so. EDIT.

“The same influence can also be heard (as, indeed, is acknowledged by the band in the album’s accompanying press information) in forthcoming single Light It Up.”

“According to the band, new single Light It Up features the same influence.”

Jesus, dude. Why would a band dispute a claim taken from its own press release? I assume that’s why you included that giant parenthetical act of libel protection. You wouldn’t write it to sound like the band agreed with your brilliant assessment of its influence, would you? You know Jude, sometimes things sound sexier when you don’t include the footnote.

And finally…

“Admittedly a more appealing (fresh sounding, enthusiastic, driven) live prospect than they now appear on record, the lack of anything very much in the way of originality or development thus far in their recorded material does not bode too positively for their future.”

“I think they’d sound fresher live than on record, but their lack of originality might not bode well.”

Jude, I don’t need a reminder that a band’s future is what’s affected by the present. Read the phrase “bodes well for their past” and you get the picture. By the way, stuffing 3 adjectives in a display case to explain what you meant by the word “appealing” is ridiculous. Just pick one of those words and roll with it. I chose “fresher” and trimmed that bloated bit about originality and development you stuffed in there. Bear in mind this is your conclusion. If you can’t thump your shield without a lengthy baton twirl, I can’t imagine anyone staying that late to tremble.

Keep these suggestions in mind, Jude. If anything, the world needs more folks of few words.