RipFork

Artist: Yeasayer

Album: Odd Blood

Reviewer: Conrad Amenta

Cokemachineglow, 2010

Writing Disorders: Scorn Disease, Idea Fever, Jargon Palsy

Longest Sentence: 68 words

Stuffiest Phrase: “a well attuned if hypertrophied sense of style”

Unintended Irony: “it can’t help but come across as unintentionally absurd”




A week after discovering your existence, Conrad, I’m still struggling to understand why you write the way you do. Read this sentence:

“Worse, this desperate paternalism is exploded sonically to nth realms of crass pretension, cramming every last space with splurges of computer-generated excess that mostly belie a lack of vision or forethought; the band are, in the parlance of staidly academic critics, wanking.”

I’m sure if I point to your own pretension, excess, and paternalism coursing through that sentence and the whole review, you’ll glibly state that it was all for the irony. Instead of going down that road, I’ll add a little of my own irony to the pot. You see, the most fascinating thing I unearthed about you is that you actually play an instrument. I’m assuming you’re Conrad Amenta, drummer for the Canadian band Books on Books. If so, you’ve got skill behind a drum set. I listened to the tracks up on MySpace. What I can’t understand is what drives a competent musician to vomit such scurrilous bile onto other artists’ work. Here’s a snapshot of the puke in case you forgot:

“That record was mostly shitty and had absolutely no sense of scope or direction”

“see also: their stupid band name”

“the unremitting bullshit of boneheaded opening track”

“the excremental wave of this band’s approach to songwriting”

“An overcooked vanity piece from a band inflated by praise”

While I admit that there’s a rich history of performers dissing others in interviews, I can’t say that I’ve come across many 1,000 word rants written by musicians against their peers. Then again, I suppose anything is possible in the creative Mecca of the Ottawa rock scene. Drumsticks or not, you write like a prick. And you’re not even brief about it. You write like a prick incapable of editing his thoughts down to something less than “entirely superfluous.” Examples?

“the heart-warming entropy of a self-truncating simplicity”

“a nebulous referent and yet all-important to getting these artist’s appeal”

Thankfully you only used the word “quasi” twice in the course of this review, which helped to whittle away the girth on sentences already fat on modifiers. Speaking of sentences, I’m trying to steer my criticism away from people’s grammar and spelling, but for someone berating a band so savagely, I’ll make an exception. You don’t exactly have a firm handle on your editing finger.

“true progression comes in the form is seamless integration”

“The same mentality is presented her without irony, used a vehicle for something Meaningful”

In the future if you’re so close to deadline that you can’t spare even one reread, you might consider writing less. While I’m sure some readers would be absolutely crushed if you put a cap on your thoughts about why a band’s latest release deserves an F+, you might actually attract some replacements who value readability.

If you explore RipFork, you might notice that I have a thing for the phrase “to be fair.” You know, when a critic donkey punches a band, and then gives it a pat on the back in the same sentence? To my delight, you continued the trend of so many others:

“That record was mostly shitty and had absolutely no sense of scope or direction, but, to be fair, there were some very melodic and occasionally addictive tunes.”

To be fair, huh? Well, to be fair, Conrad, I’ve included a video of your band so that folks can see what YeaSayer’s up against. Sexy.

ATM Angel

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