Artist: Jet

Album: Shine On

Reviewer: Ray Suzuki

Pitchfork Media, 2006

Hahahahahah, that’s so FUNNY, dude! I mean, you totally made a mockery of your hired position. But who CARES?! Jet like sucks and stuff! Ha! I just BET people who write paragraph-long quotes about why Rolling Stone sucks on the Rolling Stone website will LAP it up! And you hit the nail — Dude, you hit the nail RIGHT on the head. A chimpanzee peeing into its own mouth! Jet totally sounds like that! Hahahahahah, hipster high-five! — [slap] — YEAH!

Man, I ain’t never listened to Jet. I heard them at a concert once, but I was eating. Be that as it may, I will tell you right now, no band in the world deserves such indignity hurled at them. And indignity for what? So the blogosphere will remember you as the guy who wrote the pee-drinking thing?

When was the last time you picked up a guitar? Played some keys? Plucked a bass? Bared your soul into a microphone in front of people? Best I can see, you don’t do any of those activities. You can embed video, but I don’t think that gives you nearly enough game to be plastering such rude nonsense about a band that stands on a lit stage in front of people.

You don’t like the band? Fine. But next time, go pee in YOUR mouth. Or get the chimp to do it. Make sure you record it. And after we finish watching you empty your bladder into your mouth, maybe this time we’ll say, Hahahahaha, that sounds just like his writing!